The History of the 2008 Season.

Dec. 23: Grandma's Christmas Party with Santa

This picture would have been a miracle if Travis had only smiled for the picture. And yet, here he is wrapped in red bribed with a package of plain M&M's.  

I won't even mention who is missing.

Dec. 24: Grandpa Tim's Birthday/Christmas Party:

Next year we committed to wearing eye protection after Tom brought his newly purchased semi-automatic. The annual Christmas Tree Glass Ornament Shooting continued and expanded including Patricia's family this year.  And thankfully, no one shot out an eye.

Dec. 25: Christmas Morning at Home

Matthew:

1. Electric Guitar

2. Boxing Gloves

3. Skitter

4. Movie "Star Wars the Clone Wars"

5. Game "Guess Who"

6. Blue Tie

Travis:

1. Baseball Helmet

2. Baseball Glove and Ball

3. Boxing Gloves

4. Backpack

5. Movie "Kung Fu Panda"

6. Book "Come Rhyme with Me"

Makayla:

1. iPod

2. Boots

3. Clothes

4. Game "Apples to Apples"

5. Luggage

6. More Clothes

Dec. 25: Christmas at Grandma's

The first and last year without Makayla on Christmas morning. 

Dec. 26: Family Reunion in Arizona

If someone asked me who this was when I was 6 years old, I would have answered my future husband. Now, I'd answer my first cousin on my mother's side or Jeff. 

Over 80 people attended our impromptu family reunion including my 3 sisters, 2 brothers, 15 nieces and nephews, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, and countless cousins and cousins once removed. 

His hand hid himself from the camera and guilt of being caught sneaking another cupcake. 

We seized the moment.  My siblings and their families are complete here. 29 total. And I just realized we are grouped by families from oldest to youngest . Janelle, Tiffany, Amy, Me, Michael, and Nathan.

More than these 11 children fit in this 15 passenger short bus we named in ridicule. We didn't intend on renting it. And yet. We had fun loading and unloading for our family travels.

Dec. 31: New Year's Eve Party Kirts House California

After staying one extra day in Arizona, we made it just in time for a New Year's Eve party at our friend's house. We played the game, "The Game of Things" which we promptly went out and bought the next day.

We rang in the new year at 11:00pm with noise makers for the little ones and then again at midnight with silly string. Good-bye 2008. And good-bye wonderful year.

A Major Award.

These 2 boys each won an Awesome Kid Award yesterday. 

Travis is 3 and slept through the night dry. 

A story goes along with this, but instead of me sharing just know this is a wonderful thing he's worked toward for 6 months now.

Matthew is 6 and abhors shopping. 

He endured an entire day of shopping at 10 different stores without 1 negative word or fit. 

Once he realized what sort of day it was, he did ask if he could 'just go home'. When we finally pulled our old van that just keeps giving into our driveway, Matthew said cheerfully, "We've been gone all day long!" or in other words for 6 hours!

So, they both redeemed their rewards. 

Today we are staying home, reenacting Jedi aggressive negotiations, reinforcing man-made forts, and eating ice cream. 

Yang and Yin. Survival.

Friday:

Matthew has been sick all week and missed his classroom Christmas party on Friday, so we recreated it at home.

1. Lots of treats made special by our new friends here in California. (See pic below with Matt's expression when he saw the spread.)

2. Sparkling Apple Juice in dixie cups, which we almost couldn't enjoy because I was unable to locate a bottle opener. 

3. Thanks to Tom's Reef sandals. Who knew the bottle opener really works.

4. My craft boxes for making Christmas decorations. 

Matthew decided to make ornaments to hang on the tree. After making the yellow star, and a santa claus, he finished up the painting of his traced hand on some felt with his picture on the front. (I know, how did I come up with all the supplies, right?) 

Grandma offered to take Travis to a birthday party, so it was just Matt and me having a terrific time together.

Saturday:

There is a stocking missing from our mantle this year. 

Makayla is spending Christmas in Utah with her dad. Without any suggestion from me, Matthew handed Makayla a wrapped gift last night. 

The act itself was so thoughtful and deliberate. Makayla was surprised especially because the gift was something of hers he had unknowingly recovered from her room.

As I sent Makayla to Utah this morning, sadness filled my heart as I thought of my first Christmas without my daughter and I even teared up a little at the airport. 

PEACE

Word of the Moment.

dissever /v/. to separate or part; sever.

1. I purchased for the first time in 12 years (or Tom purchased) a brand new dining room table. The garage swallowed the old cardboard table and metal chairs, and surprisingly, the new table transformed the room and warmed it. 

This morning, the boys were sitting nicely at the table coloring when I noticed Travis had the markers that had previously been dissevered from the coloring bucket. Thankfully, the green streak wiped right off the beautiful finish. And then, I remembered why I had a cardboard table in the first place. 

2. Sitting at my new table this morning typing some emails and making phone calls I was privy to a darling conversation between Matt and Travis.

Travis: Matt, I'm farting a little.

Matt: Good job, Travis. Mom, did you hear that? Travis is farting a little. 

Travis: No, I can fart a lot.

Matt: Travis, if you want to fart a lot, you have to put your arm up a little. After a few more armpit farts. Good job, you are getting there.

Usually my response to these common conversations in our home is to dissever the culpable offender from my presence, but today I just laughed (inside) and pretended to be busy typing away.

3. Our family is starting a new Christmas tradition, which is inspired from a friend at church and which dissevers our attention from what isn't as important during this time of year. Some of our lasting traditions include:

decorating the tree together

making and eating Christmas bark

making or buying a new ornament

reading Christmas stories together

reading from an advent calendar about Mary and Joseph, their journey and the birth of Christ

giving gifts to friends for the 12 days of Christmas

creating dinners and giving them away

And now...

We have several nativity sets displayed in our home, and we've removed the baby Jesus from each and placed them in a gift box under the tree. On Christmas morning and before we open gifts, we'll unwrap the baby Jesus and return him to the stable rude. By doing this rather than opening worldly gifts first, I will happen to dissever myself and vanish from the privileges of men for those moments to remember His ultimate gift. His forever love and kindness. 

4.  Makayla got in the van after school complaining of a wiggly tooth. Remembering I didn't deposit money under her pillow after her last lost tooth, I cleverly asked, "How much money did the tooth fairy give you last time?"

"None." 

"Oh, the tooth fairy probably doesn't leave money if the dentist has to pull the tooth." I improvised.

"Wellll, actually, the tooth fairy did leave money for the last tooth the dentist pulled. It was at my dad's." she argued.

"Oh, well that explains it. Your dad left the money and not the tooth fairy because tooth fairies don't leave money if the dentist has to pull it." I explained as I was driving and heard her chuckle and assumed she probably rolled her eyes.

"Mom, you're the tooth fairy. I've known for a long time, but I just play along to get money." she admitted right in front of her 2 brothers. 

At this moment I could not dissever her sufficiently from the age of believing in fictional characters. And yet, I suspected she had years ago.

This is the first time I've done this...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? wrapping paper

2. Real tree or artificial? depends on our bank account...this year, real

3. When do you put up the tree? 2 weeks before Christmas

4. When do you take the tree down? right before it burns

5. Do you like eggnog? no

7. The hardest person to buy for? my mom

8. Easiest person to buy for? this year, Matthew

9. Do you have a Nativity Scene? yes, many

10. Mail or Christmas cards? do people really do this still?

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? an african bust

12. Best Christmas gift you ever received? an african bust (it's become a family prank now)

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas presents? depends on my bank account, but usually 2 weeks before.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? yes, but with caution so that person would love it more than I.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? prime rib and dinner rolls, homemade ones that some one else makes

16. Lights on the tree? yes, my husband strings it nicely

17. Favorite Christmas Song? Oh, Holy Night

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I moved back to California to stay at home. And yet, we are traveling. (but i'm glad)

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Yes, but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?

20. What's on the top of the tree? darth vader

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? both

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? shopping

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? red berries

24. Favorite Christmas Dinner? didn't I already answer that? prime rib

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? hair straightener, earrings, laser hair removal

26. Who is your favorite Christmas Character? rudolf. 

27. Who is most likely to respond to this? no one, they are all busy with Christmas

28. Who is least likely to respond to this? any of my siblings

29. What is your favorite Christmas CD? The blue one that has only instrumentals. 

inspire ME.

I admittedly question posting this because well, because it's so personal. And yet, I am inspired to, knowing the right answer will come because I have the most amazing friends and followers and maybe it won't even be as a comment.

My heart has a prayer for my son, Matthew. Inadequacy as his mother is what comes to mind most often. I've always said he is such a breath of fresh air to me. And yet, he is so different from any other child I've ever known. 

When he was 3 months old, I had an experience I will never forget or deny and it basically was an admonition to never wound his spirit. As a mother of a 3 month old, I couldn't fathom wounding his precious spirit. Now as he is 6 years old, I won't linger regrets. My prayer went to the universe today and always, but especially today. 

I had the opportunity to make clay pastries with 20 first graders today. First we talked about our favorite pastries and then I had them touch their hearts so their creation would come from within. 19 students quickly went to work on donuts, cakes, pies, cupcakes, and ice cream cones. 

My son made a dog bone. (breathe) I usually embrace creativity in most forms, but I didn't get his creativity and felt that he deserved to create what we were there to create. If we were painting 12 red poppies, it wouldn't be ok to paint a farm and red barn. And yet, it would be ok to paint 7 poppies withered on the ground. This is my logic and it is my logic that creates my barrier to him and his spirit. 

So, here's where you get to inspire me. Here is a picture of my son today. His eyes and smile do tell it all. 

What I said was, "This is a nice dog bone and when you play with clay on Fridays with your teacher you can create a man holding the dog bone, but today we are making pastries and treats to eat. What would you like to make?" What I thought was, What in the? 19 other kids 'got' what I said to do and you...dog bone, really? 

To which he replied, "A cupcake."

But what I really wanted to say was, "What color would you like to paint the dog bone?" Which to me would create acceptance and love for him, for his spirit. Thank you.

Notable regrets. And then.

I remember a mother who had recently lost her young son on a scout camp-out tell Oprah she "...had no regrets." Really? No parenting regrets at all? I was uncertain about her comment as I rummaged through the daily regrets that consume me when I allow it. 

And so the new high standard was set to finish each day with no regrets. Without disclosing how well this is working for me, here are a few notable regrets today.

1.  In an exercise on faith, my daughter listed 5 things she can do to help around our home and wrote the importance of obeying and honoring her parents and learning how to work.

This is was what she wrote:

1. I can sweep the kitchen  floor.

2. I can clean my room.

3. I can clean the living room.

4. I can babysit my brothers.

5. I will clean up after myself.

It is important to clean around the house and after yourself because so your parents don't get stressed. And it helps the family be more loving. And when you help out it will teach you how to be a parent when you grow up.

Most regrettable is the "stressed" part of the cleaning around the house and what I call my cleaning neurosis. 

2.  My youngest had his preschool party where Santa appeared bearing gifts for the enrolled students. Parents could opt in to buying, wrapping, and labeling a gift (book) for siblings by last Friday. My husband and I agreed to allow Travis to have all the glory at this first of many Santa parties this season.

After Santa delivered presents to most of the children in the room, Matthew, most observant, commented, "Mom, Santa is giving gifts to brothers and sisters too. I just know he's going to call my name soon." (This is so my optimistic Matthew)

The remorse was made worse by Matthew's thoughtful gesture with his arm around Travis after he reluctantly joined his class front and center for singing time. Or maybe what made it worse was when, even after I explained to Matthew that Santa wouldn't be calling his name and why, he still offered to escort a scared Travis up to retrieve his wrapped gift. 

Or maybe it was as we were walking up to the party I overheard Matthew say, "Travis, just point to which kid is being mean to you and I'll beat him up for you." Yes, I think that was it.

3.  We saw Santa on a trailer being pulled by a truck with flashing amber lights on Saturday night. Last time Matt and Makayla and even Tom joined Santa for a quick picture. My daughter wanted to get on the float until 2 of her school friends waved excitedly to her from their seats next to Santa. Travis is still too scared of Santa and so Matt told me what he wanted for Christmas as he stood in line. An Electric Guitar. 

When it was his turn, he rushed up the steps, turned to pose for a picture, grabbed his candy cane, and stepped back onto the pavement. Putting my arm around him I asked, "Did you tell him what you wanted?" 

"No, I forgot." (There are two regrets: one, his sorrowful regret in forgetting to ask Santa and two, refer to #2.)

And then...of which is not regrettable.

We delivered 7 warm, ham dinners to the homeless tonight and learned from a nice man camping in a car when the homeless leave the park. (At dark, of course.) We are very excited to create something magnificent for Christmas. 

And maybe when my children are older, they will be saying, "Remember the one time we asked the homeless man if he wanted a meal and he thought we said 'bill'?" 

Instead of, "Remember that one time when all the kids got a gift from Santa except me?" 

I'm just saying...

I took Makayla to the airport so she could fly to see her dad for Thanksgiving and passed by a woman with a shaved head. It seemed to me that she might have cancer and my mind connected with a book I just read about reality; "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Who says we have to have our heads shaved to wear wigs and why couldn't it be cool to have a new hair do whenever.  So, I googled wigs and found this cute one, which by the way kind of already resembles my current hair style.  I've had curly hair most of my life, so why not wear it straight and long for a week. I'm just saying...

We saw a great dane in the back of a jeep in a parking lot today and my kids were commenting on it's size. My favorite comments came from Travis (3): 

T: It's a horse, dog.

T: It's not going to eat us.

We asked the owner how much the dog weighed and he answered, "150 lbs". My next thought was relief that I don't have to clean up the dog's waste; it weighs more than I do, I'm just saying...

This picture was easy to take because this is where you will find my dh anytime of day. Just consult his multiple daily facebook status updates for further proof. There are worse things I could think of to be addicted to and yet, he has agreed to take sabbatical. 

Actions speak louder than words, I'm just saying...

I get to work in my son's first grade class every Tuesday for a couple of hours, thanks to a most amazing friend and mother of another first grader. I hurried to take a picture on my iPhone while the class was focused on the flag. Every week these young children pledge their allegiance and I almost tear up watching the innocence in their little faces. 

My heart is so full of gratitude for our soldiers. The men and women contributing to my daily freedom to blog or shop or nap in the middle of the day, I'm just saying...

If tomorrow all the things were gone. I would still have...

I am thankful for...

family. I am so grateful to be experiencing this life with my family, Tom, Makayla, Matthew, and Travis. Although Makayla is not with us this Thanksgiving, I am that much more thankful for her joy, her peaceful spirit, her strength, her compassion, her loyalty and her love.  

health. Today I ran in the Turkey Trot with friends from church. To feel the wind against my face and hear the sound of feet on the pavement is proof I am healthy and free. 

love. Regardless of my bad behavior or forgetting my love for myself, I always see love all around me from family, friends, or from my divine Father in Heaven. 

friends. Each and every one of my friends brings so much light into my life. Friends that comfort, support, encourage, inspire, empower, contribute to my creation.

home. To have my own home to come home to, to clean, to decorate, to create a space for my children to grow and create and BE is rewarding.

abundance. I AM grateful for my abundance of love, health, joy, money, peace, and family.

peace. This is my greatest blessing. Peace allows me to learn, love, laugh, and live out loud.

connection. Engaging with others is like heaven on earth to me. I love getting together with friends, learning about them, speaking truths, and feeling the spirit.

joy. I am so grateful to have a dh who loves to laugh as much as I do. Having joy makes this experience that much more rewarding.

Lately...

affectation \n.\  an artificial way of talking or behaving put on to impress others; pretense.  an unnatural action, expression, or trait that indicates artificiality

1. Today I audibly laughed at the farmers market while picking grapes. What made me laugh was the realization of my fruit picking affectation. I picked up a bag of grapes, set it down, picked up another, felt for firmness and triumphantly placed the grapes in my cart. Another woman noticed my affectation and misinterpreted it for expertise. It just struck me funny, what do I know about fruit? The woman put her bag back and started looking again for the perfect bag.  

2. This is a typical day in the life of my two boys. Even though they look and behave like a real cowboy and superman, I have always suspected an affectation. 

3. My brother in law took his daughter and Travis to the cliffs near our home and took some pictures. Later he added in some extra character compliments of Photoshop. He told the two to pose with an affectation of notable introduction. IOW: put your arm like this and smile.

4. Tom and I are both very competitive especially when playing board games. Once when I was pregnant I threw a deck of cards at him because I lost. Tonight we went on a date to the ocean and played scrabble with our camping lantern. Because I usually lose at this game and to save face, I paced myself capitalizing on Triple Word spaces and Triple letters for Q and Z flaunting myself with affectation. I actually did end up winning with Pique and Zine. Tom let me have Zine short for Magazine. Thanks Tom. 

I Am Here to Create. And OWTHGFIA!!

Today I was planning a girl's night out in my head, we'd go to dinner and then individually declare what we are going to create as our contribution to a family, a neighbor, or society. 

I was overcome with emotion and excitement at the thought of making the declaration of what I am creating, not on Friday night, but in life! What is it that I am creating? Is it sadness, fear, futility, or frustration? Or is it love, joy, passion, and enthusiasm?

I choose moment to moment what I create in life. In reading the book, "East of Eden" I was moved by John Steinbeck's words,

It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure to the world.

And this is my story, it's your story. Lately, I have forgotten who I am (again). This is called missing the mark in my world. So, I'm recommitting (again) to my creation statement, 

My divine purpose is to inspire, empower, and give joy by being a powerful, loving, passionate spirit being of light creating a world of awakening where Christ consciousness and spiritual connection allow others to remember their divinity bringing freedom, healing, and peace. 

And so it is.

An Almost Perfect Trip

My mother-in-law treated us to Knott's Berry Farm on Monday during the Veteran's Day super-sized weekend. The trip was fun and would have been perfect if Makayla was in town to have enjoyed it with us. Here is grandma, Matt, Travis, and their Uncle Raymond (age 8).

The first ride was the Snoopy Air-Mail ride which Matt so bravely volunteered to go first. Travis stood in line with him, but when the time came to hop in the seat, he graciously said, 'noIdon'twanttogo'. (as in a quickly spoken sentence that sounded like one word)

This is Travis' very first amusement park ride, which he gladly buckled into and afterwards commented, "That was totally awesome."
This was Tom's first ride, a train of 8 semi-trucks with 4 loud honking horns per truck. After I took the picture, I jumped in and joined the harmonious music. 
Grandma gave the boys each $4 to spend during our day trip. We were going to eat when we passed by the midway games and there hanging on the back of the triangle shooting game were 14 brand new, shiny electric guitars. 

Matt's conviction was clear and his actions undeviating. I was thrilled to be a part of his excitement and although I sent as much positive energy his way during his $3 shot, he walked away beaten. But not for long. He put his money together, which included the $1 he had left over from the park and the $3 he charged his dad to repurchase a pomegranate from off our kitchen counter and countless birthday money he's been saving, and found he has only $15 to go to buy an electric guitar the sure way.
Walking out of the park, I witnessed Travis pat his pocket several times feeling his $4 still safe inside his khaki shorts.  Thanks Grandma for a terrific park day.