Returning to "church"

Kyle, my previous boss from ClickFunnels, and his family came over last Saturday (Oct 17) for Raclette. I can't wait to get my meat slicer so I can cut the meat thinner but I did OK this time. Kyle's kids loved cooking for themselves at the table. We played Headbands after dinner and then ate ice cream sundaes. 

Makayla messaged me that she and Nick are moving to a duplex in American Fork. She's excited to get all her things from her dad's house and her storage unit and be back living together. She has such a gift to create inspiring spaces. She and Nick bought a couch, kitchen island, and a 65" t.v. We can't wait to visit!

On Sunday (Oct 18), our family went to Camel's Back Park and hiked to see the trees all changed color. This is one of our favorite hikes in the Boise area. 

I had an interview on Friday (Oct 23) with Lyra Manning for a volunteer position working at Score. The interview went well and after my references are checked I'll start the onboarding process. I'm hoping that having a volunteer position will allow me to use my talents to feel fulfilled, give me more practical experience, and help me connect with other executive professionals. 

I've been looking for open positions to change jobs but I haven't found anything yet. 

Yesterday (Saturday, Oct 24), I worked on what seem like never-ending house projects. I had the boys rip out the beadboard in the kitchen so I can texture the walls in prep for paneling. I also sanded and painted more kitchen cupboards. Pictures to come!

"Church" is resuming. And what I mean by that is the physical meeting of the ward in a shared building. 

Half the ward meets every other week for 90 min to leave enough time to clean the building for the next ward. Most people are still social distancing 6 feet and wearing masks because of the COVID-19 virus. (We haven't been affected and those we know who have been affected healed just fine.) 

My Sunday rest ritual sans "church" has really been working for me. First thing, I spend some time with mom transcribing her journal for an hour and then I write in my own journal. Our family meets together, discusses our needs for the week, sings, has sacrament, reads scripture together and then we do something together as a family. It's the best day of the week. 

Returning to "church" for me means getting up earlier than my body wants, trying to find something to fit post-6-month quarantine, dealing with the drama of pushing everyone else out of bed and coercing them into also finding something to wear, driving the quick block to the church building and being so uncomfortable walking into the chapel that my stomach contracts making me feel physically nauseous, awkwardly smiling at strangers, over-analyzing where to sit so to not make anyone else feel awkward but still appear friendly, quietly listen to other people lecture about uninspiring topics, and then returning home with less confidence and love than I started the day with. 

Exhausting.

So you can understand why I'm having a hard time wanting to return to "church". I haven't had a calling since we moved to Idaho and the efforts I've made to make friends have eroded my confidence and been fruitless. 

I love the gospel. I love reading and learning and feeling the spirit and going to the temple and Conference and Jesus Christ. I have a testimony and believe in the Plan of Happiness. I just don't like "church". 

Pursuing Excellence

The text came while I was in a video conference work meeting on Tuesday, October 6th. All caps and 5 exclamation points, "MATT GOT HIS MISSION CALL!!!!!" 

Excellent! I stopped listening to the meeting, went off camera, and texted back, "Did he open it?" 

Right then and as fast as possible, I was ready to get to the car dealership where Matt works, so we could be together when he opened and read the email. I waited for the text back from Tom, "No. He's going to wait until Thursday."

That's two days away! I thought. Reluctantly, I returned to my meeting and waited until Matt walked in from work.

"How can you not open the email right now?" I asked, looking for a clue that he actually did open the email because I would have immediately. 

"Let's open it now", he responded. 

"I'm calling Makayla", Tom started dialing her number before he could complete his sentence. After 3 attempts, we found she was still at work and we'd have to wait 2 1/2 more hours until she'd be free.  

It was almost 6pm and resistant to making dinner, I suggested we celebrate by going out to eat. After all, I've avoided making dinner with much less reasoning than this.

Matt muddled, "How 'bout Shmexas Mode Shmouse." (AKA: Texas Roadhouse.) 

Excellent choice, Matt!  

Matt and Travis trained at BC Krav Maga before we ate and before we turned on face-time with Makayla, Nick, and his family Lisa, Darrin, Mitch, and Brooke. 

Matt stood ready with his phone in his hand. I was face-timing with my phone and Tom was recording with his. As Matt started reading, I glanced over my left shoulder at Tom. He looked teary, eager, and proud. 

Matt would stop several times to collect his breath, then he'd continue reading with great anticipation. 

Speechless, I held the phone steady for Makayla, so she could see and hear, "You are called to labor in the Chile, Osorno mission..."

I tried to put the phone down. I wanted to run, jump for joy, and hug him, but I didn't. I only let out a slightly audible gasp. Hugs finally came after he finished reading, but much later, I couldn't help the regret that during one of the most important times of Matt's life I chose the wrong response. 

"Orzono", I typed in the Google search engine but nothing was surfacing for Orzono. How do you spell "Orzono"?

This mission is nearly the most southern mission in the entire world but not the mission I had guessed. Lisa, Makayla's mother-in-law, was raised by her father who grew up in Chile and she also guessed Chile on our pre-mission-call map!

Matt will be training in the Mexico Missionary Training Center on December 29th, so that means technically Matt will be going to Mexico at the start of his mission - continuing the boy-cousin Mexico mission tradition. 

Tom's brother, Ben, and our 2 nephews Eli and Rex came to visit Thursday, Oct 8th when Matt had originally committed to reading his mission call live on Facebook and Zoom. 

By then, Tom had ordered and received a 5 foot Chile flag, which he draped over Matt after Matt finished reading the call for our extended family and friends.  

I anticipated what this moment would be like but nothing completely prepared me for so many unexpected and wonderful emotions. My heart felt 3xs larger than normal and I too was teary, eager, and proud of Matt. He has always pursued excellence in anything he does and he's been independently preparing for a mission for years. 

With the COVID-19 virus shutting down schools and activities his senior year, Matt remained steady excelling at school, at college, and at work. With uncertain times, Matt kept the focus on his goals and while he's far from quick and agile, he's moved forward slowly and steadily. 

And then the call came while I was reluctantly making dinner Friday night (October 9th), "Mom, I got in." 

I set the knife I was using to cut vegetables down and sat on the couch, "You got the email from BYU?"

"Yep, I got in." 

He didn't cry, I cried. 

Regardless of discouragement and disappointment, nothing could hold him back from pursuing BYU Provo again after his denial letter for the Fall semester. Nothing. 

A familiar feeling surrounded me entirely when I heard him say he got in. 

I remembered feeling this way before when Makayla shared her plans with me shortly after she started Cosmetology school. 

"What are you doing for work? Do you want to talk budgeting now that you have real bills?" I asked.

"I just need to make sure I make more than I spend."

I felt completeness. Where one season ends and another one begins. Where I don't need to worry as much anymore. My "mom" efforts were enough. 

She's going to be fine, I thought. No, she's going to be excellent.

So, the week wrapped up with the friendly thought that my "mom" efforts were enough. That regardless of what comes Matt's way, he'll be fine. 

No, he'll be the steady one in pursuit of all things that are excellent.