Major Undertakings

Matthew submits his papers today for going on a mission, so Tom put a map on the wall to visualize pins as our represented guesses of where he'll serve. 

Matt wants to go foreign and to learn to speak another language. So far all girl cousins have gone to France and all boy cousins to Mexico, so there's pressure to guess Mexico.

I'm silently guessing Australia, though. Tom served there, and there's no justification to my imagining someone left behind from his mission who Matt can go, search, and find. 

Maybe he'll go to Germany, England, or Ohio to go, search and find our ancestors.

All the ideas in my head are many and messy and my unending judgments around my ability to foresee the future are keeping me from committing to putting a pin on the map just yet. 

Meanwhile, Tom and Matt took Friday-Sunday on the Payette and Boise River in search of fish and isolated time together before Matt leaves on his mission and his absence shifts our very roots. 

As a parent, you constantly balance the unlocking of independence in your children. It's exciting even. For instance, we celebrate the moments our children sit up, crawl, walk, score a goal in soccer, give a speech accepting an award for good citizenship, and get accepted to serve a mission, into a college or into a trade school.  

But no one talks about or prepares you for the messy and inevitable void you feel after your child leaves home, which takes a disproportionate amount of time to heal, by the way. If you want to know how disproportionate, just imagine what it might be like and multiply that by the sum of all the moments you celebrated with them while they were growing up. 

It's somewhere close to eleventy million. 

So as soon as the wall map went up and Tom and Matt took off this weekend, I started distracting myself with more house projects like repainting my whole kitchen. 

House projects take hard work, are messy, and infinite just like life. Or families. Or anything that's of considerable importance. 

But I'm unhealthily obsessed right now with wall textures. It's hard to see from this picture (see close up below), but I've completely retextured this whole wall and hallway removing the ugly orange peel that builders leave to haunt and deprive nearly all homeowners. 

I strained to work on the wall while balanced on a ladder most of Saturday to rid my house of ugly walls and prep them for new paint and now my body is yelling at me.  Regardless of the resulting aches and pains, however, I'm satisfied with my effort so far and even energized as I estimate how much more work is needed during this major undertaking. 

So while we add guesses to our wall map from friends and family and while we prepare for Matt to leave, and regardless of the inevitable void that's coming, I'm satisfied with my effort so far and even energized by the mission and work still needed during his major undertaking.

Just Like That

Just like that, Travis got his driving permit. Last week he was fine getting around on his longboard, but now he's completed his 6 hours of driving in a car with an instructor and 2 brake pedals and wants to learn to drive, apparently.

I can tell already he's going to be a safe and confident driver. And his parking isn't too bad either.

Makayla completed an instructor-led driver's training required by California when she was getting her license too but in Texas, I saved some money and trained Matthew myself from start to finish. 

I wouldn't recommend the free driver training option, though, because you have to really ask yourself, is anything ever really free? 

So far, Matt is my only child really interested in owning and driving fast cars. And fast cars cost more than slow cars, so maybe I should have paid the $300 when I had the chance. 

Matt also works for a car company and test drives hundreds of cars every month. Sometimes when he gets to drive fast cars like this Camero, he'll come to drag Travis out of his online school class and drive past their friends' houses just to rev the engine. 

If some other kid drove up and down my quiet street showing off in a muscle car, I'd roll my eyes in disapproval. But why disapprove of this? Look how cool these brothers are in this hotrod. You can't even tell Travis is still wearing pajamas.

Not long after Travis got his permit, Matthew had oral surgery, and just like that got his wisdom teeth removed. I'm standing at Matt's door talking to the nurse about post-op stuff and not pictured is Travis filming the event hoping to record something memorable or at least something for intimidation or protection he can use later. 

Matt was nervous to lose his cognitive skills after anesthesia, but he seemed pretty confident and coherent as soon as we left the clinic.

He asked multiple times if all 4 of his teeth were removed, just like Makayla did when she had her wisdom teeth out. But unlike Makayla, he started singing Queen's, "We Will Rock You" from the back seat. 

Matt doesn't usually break out into song and surprisingly, we were able to understand the tune and mumbling coming from his gauze-filled mouth.

Who knew wisdom teeth emerge as children start to become more "wise" around age 17-25? Interestingly, that's also around the age that children become independent and leave home. Makayla had her wisdom teeth removed and then ...left home. Matt just had his wisdom teeth removed and he's going to be leaving home in the next month or so.

Seems yesterday Travis could hardly walk and now he's driving, his wisdom teeth are forming and once they emerge, he'll leave too... just like that. 

Watch Earth Go Fast

I believe every person tends toward natural elements like air, water, fire, and earth. For me, I see these natural elements showing up in people's behaviors, temperament, and movement. 

Makayla is air. She's buoyantly carefree, brisk, and energizing; not tethered to anything.  Travis is intense and fierce but also warm and nurturing fire. I'm water which can be both calm, flowing, refreshing, and also turbulent and powerful.  

Tom and Matthew are earth. 

They are both grounded, strong, supportive, and ... have their own patterns and cycles of movement. But honestly, have you ever tried to speed up or move a rock as big as earth?

When I say it's impossible, it's because I know. I've tried and it can't be done.

So, for Matthew's 18th birthday gift, you'll appreciate the irony. We bought him an Extreme Driving Experience in the fastest car I've ever seen. 

Notice additional irony in this picture as Matthew waits and waits and waits in line to drive the Lamborghini. Ha. 

This is Matt's first ride (3 laps). He rode with a professional driver from Australia!

This is Matt's 2nd ride (3 laps).

VIP Pit Passes decorate our family picture after this all-smiles experience. I almost skipped out on the pit pass due to my fears of all the things that could go wrong at this race track like the other fast cars, a mechanical malfunction, inexperience leading to a crash. But Makayla convinced me not to miss Matt going fast and to just take deep breaths. See...she's air.

 

Then after a day at the race track, we headed over to the Provo River for a picnic dinner. One minute we were hiking in to find a table to eat and the next minute Tom was seen in his waders with his fishing pole next to the river, his sandwich untouched. 

As the sun started to go down, I demanded we pack up and leave before we lost Tom forever to fishing. Tom demanded this picture on the bridge where he proposed to me. Initially, I said yes, but called off the wedding months later. 

You know how this story ends. though. We've been married for over 19 years. 

What did you expect? He's a fly fisherman and I'm water. 

Family, Sacrifice and Selflessness Are

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law moved out of their house in California and are now traveling the country in their 5th wheel. They pulled into Idaho last week and we've nearly spent all our time together playing games, watching movies, going on nature walks and hikes, floating the river, paddling pontoon boats, and fishing. 

Hike at Camelback Park (Left to right, back to front): Tom Curtis, Travis Curtis, Matthew Curtis, Marcelo Cacciagioni, Melissa Curtis, Alora Cacciagioni, Summer Cacciagioni, Ella Caccioagioni, and Lily Caccioagioni.

Matt at the pond with (left to right) Ella, Alora and Lilly feeding the ducks and geese.

Paddle boating in groups of 2-3. Travis and Tom Curtis.

Ella and Lily playing with Makayla's toys I've stored.

The very last night of our family's two-week stay, Matt is laying in the fort he made with his cousins reading them Dr. Suess books. Earlier, Travis and Matt had taken cousins to the community pool to swim and to go feed the ducks and geese. And even though our cousins are much younger and interested in very different things, any chance Matt and Travis had to exercise patience, respect, and kindness they did. Even at dinner when cousins were spitting paper straws at their faces or when cousins refused to respect personal spaces.

I have no idea how Matt and Travis interact with people outside of our nuclear family unless someone tells me, like the time I received a letter from a church leader about Matthew after a scouting event recently. The letter was a thank you note really. Matthew encouraged, reassured, and became a source of strength for a defeated scout struggling with the physical challenges of the High Adventure. I imagine the thank you came in part because the heavy backpack for their hike had to get up the mountain some way and Matt sacrificed and persevered carrying the extra weight so the leaders didn't have to. 

Hopefully, Matt wrote in his journal the rest of the story how the weight got to be too much, how he prayed and his faith brought relief almost immediately, and how the bishop happened to be driving up the mountain with just enough room in the bed of his truck for a couple of backpacks.  

We've defined our family core values and talk about them regularly, but to see them in action instead of just hearing from other people is like being able to pick and eat a ripe avocado off the tree you've been cultivating for years.

I overheard Travis on the phone with his friends making the tough decision to turn down a fun get together that evening. I could hear the disappointment in his voice and I know he didn't like saying "no" to what he knew for sure would be fun.

Balancing priorities isn't even on our list of family core values, but family and sacrifice and selflessness are. 

Our Family Values (est. 2015)

Honor
Respect
Service
Compassionate
Charity
Attitude
Knowledge
Accepting
Forgiving
Determined
Action
Sacrifice
Creative
Patient
Kindness
Accountability
Focused
Love
Self Mastery
+1
Humor
Nice
Leaders
Courage
Truth
Perseverance
Selfless
Disciplined
Family