311 Pumpkin Seeds

We set out to find the perfect carving pumpkins and ended up in a parking lot made to look like a rural pumpkin patch. (Our favorite pumpkin patch in Ventura County went out of business)

Matthew loved petting the ponies. 

Makayla found the biggest, smallest, and then most perfect pumpkin for carving. She couldn't carry it though and not because it was too big but only because she sprained her wrist playing soccer the day before. 

Travis jumped in the blow up bouncy with kids that were all bigger than he. Matthew looked on because Matthew has never been a fan of big blow up bouncy things. And yet, Matthew spent a good deal of time feeding the sheep, goats, and cows in the walk around petting zoo of which Travis would never step foot. 

Before we came home to carve our prizes, we stopped by Barnes and Noble and picked up a couple of holiday books to read. One book that I wanted to get but didn't get was "How Many Pumpkin Seeds?".  Why buy the book when you can create that at home? 

Me: How many seeds do you think are in your pumpkin Matthew?

M: 6

Me: Travis?

T: 3

Me: Makayla?

M: 20

Me: I think Travis has 50, Matt has 75, and Makayla has 150. 

I intended on counting all the kids' pumpkin seeds and I started with Travis'. 1, 2, 3, 4...let's put them in groups of 10. After 200, the kids lost interest and there I sat needing to finish the project because that is how I roll.  

Last night we went to the ward's Trunk-Or-Treat activity. Here is Makayla's finished costume plenary with tutu. Matthew and Travis are both Jedi's which was surprising because Travis changed his mind on Monday and wouldn't distract himself from being Batman. 

Knowing Travis and his clear intention, I scrambled a little to find Batman attire without spending any more money. And yet, unexpectedly Travis wanted to be a Jedi at 3pm on Wednesday only 3 hours before the activity. 

Tom decorated the back of the car while I stood anxiously holding the candy feeling utterly useless. He almost abandoned  his project but I did encourage him to keep going because 'everyone out here is waiting for the unveiling.' We had a strobe light, creepy music, dry ice and a curtain of black plastic with something moving behind the curtain. 

Everyone stood in anticipation for this: 

His handcuffed, upper body swayed as though suspended by the noose and his lower body had small little legs. As kids approached the dead body, Tom would lift his hands and grab their candy bags causing screams. 

All the anticipation, aggravation, and intimidation paid off when he won the prize and I'm not sure the title but it was something like the best or the scariest or the most original or the worst decorative car trunk. 

On the way home, Tom reminded me of another thing I absolutely love about him and roll my eyes at the same time, "Hmmm, how will I top this next year?" And yet. He will.

A Little Thing Called Avoidance

I just finished another book. This one I wanted to linger but a combination of constant entropy at home and hunger for more found me sitting unconscious to the decline of order and basking in the warmth of this wonderful book, sometimes this is called avoidance.

The thoughts that are going on in my mind after reading the poetic prose of this book are: 

"Sometimes I am locked in a stare of mutual disgust with the world."

"Am I an angel that forgot why I'm here? Sometimes I have angry tears because I am made useless." 

"I have more than two regrets."

"I have to read this book again and again. To justify buying it I must repeat many times, 'Not all my money goes to Amazon.com' "

"Does losing a parent make you eccentric? Maybe and I don't even know it and I don't think anyone would ever tell me anyway and maybe that's OK."

"New emotions are created every day and there aren't words to describe them yet."

"One thing I did when I grew up. Is fall in love, drop out of college, learn to subsist on water and air, have a species named after me, and ruin my life."

There is a lot more I want to say and yet there is not enough time to write it all. Of all the books I've read so far this year, this one I say is a must read unless you are neurotic about a clean house and your family is used to eating at 6:14pm. 

I Suppose There Are Worse Things Than Lies

That's a quote from the book I just read, Tallgrass. The book is a novel about prejudice, fear, righteousness and dishonesty.  The author writes a 13 year-old's perspective about fairness. It's clear to me there is no fairness.

We received 2 hostile voice messages regarding Proposition 8 on our home answering machine. I'd been volunteered to make phone calls, and the safety and benefits of an actual call center never crossed my mind until tonight. My friend in Arizona calls from a stake calling center. 

Then I reflected on other people who stood up for something and received opposition. What about the people who are funding this Proposition campaign and the advocates' names written available to those who oppose it? What about Joseph and Emma? 

Even though they were tortured, hated, had children taken away, they still stood firm in their faith and conviction.

I, on the other hand, initially felt like maybe I shouldn't have called for Prop 8. It's not worth my family's safety. What if these nuts who left the messages find out my address and send other physical hateful messages? 

Most puzzling about the messages is they assumed I was a 'faggot' hater and a republican. Ironically, they will never know I love my lesbian sister and more democrats on my calling list were voting 'YES' on Prop. 8 than republicans.  

Word of the Day

plenary /adj./ full in all respects. complete. absolute. thorough.

plenary /adj./ 1. I taught Matthew's class this Adventures in Art project inspired by Emil Nolde's 'Red Poppies' water color painting. Using his plenary skills, Matthew added the sun up in the left corner. This is so Matthew. He is a cloud and he is the sun, but mostly he is the sun. 

plenary /adj./ 2. An autumn day wouldn't be plenary without the opening and devouring of a pomegranate. My Tom loves pomegranates and thus, so does everyone else at home. The fruit stains, so we shed the clothes and send the kids outside. 

plenary /adj./ 3. On the hunt for bumble bee socks, I was starting to panic realizing Makayla wants them for the dance tomorrow night. A bumble bee costume isn't plenary without the socks. Travis was with me for the search. He told me he created me a parking spot at Joanns and Target. I thanked him and asked him to create me some bumble bee socks. 

As we were checking out, Travis noticed the huge mall Christmas tree outside the store and wanted to go look at it. I had the time, so I indulged him. Then he wanted to ride the escalator, why not? As we arrived on the 2nd floor of the mall, I saw a halloween store and it just so happened to carry bumble bee socks. (Thanks Travis)

The plenary costume will be posted shortly, but even though we have the socks the bumble bee costume isn't plenary without the tutu. (I'm making one without sewing.) Stay tuned...

plenary /adj./ After a day of opposition (yesterday), I realized what was missing at home. Our scripture reading last night was far from plenary even though we were all physically present. Our home is plenary when the spirit of love dwells. We sat on the beds and prayed for that gift last night. God is plenary love.

Not Everything Needs to Be Fixed

I just finished 'The Last Lecture' by Randy Rausch. I enjoyed the book for many reasons, here are a few:

1. "Not Everything Needs to Be Fixed" This refers to a story about his wife wrecking their car. I love his reaction and how he wrote about egos. On a personal note, I considered this true about me; no fixing necessary.

2. Pouring Soda in the Backseat. "I slowly and deliberately opened a can of soda, turned it over, and poured it on the cloth seats in the back of the convertible. My message: People are more important than things." Did he really do that? As I read this, the mental picture formed in my mind of sticky fluid trickling down the seams, into the metal joints, and through the carpeting to the car's frame. I know, I can't help it.

3. They Just Blew Me Away. "Guy's, that was pretty good, but I know you can do better." I love the wisdom in those words as given to college aged kids after they submitted work far better than ever expected. I again considered this as great parenting admonition. 

4. Show Gratitude. Did this guy know how to pay it forward or what? Amazing. From his stories about sending thin mints, thank you notes, or apologies, he capitalized on sure ways to be a successful leader. Salesman? Nonsense.

5. Final Remarks. "If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you."  

I don't feel sorry for the author or his family, for what lies ahead for them in terms of mourning or loss. We all learn from our own life experiences. But I did tear up once...

6. Jai and Me. At Randy's last lecture, his wife was brought up on stage. She whispered in his ear, 'Please don't die.' 

I remember last March when Tom was in California and I was in Utah. I received the call that he was in the horrible accident and the doctor's couldn't get him to respond. Those weren't exactly my words, mine were more like, "Don't you dare die. I don't want to do this alone." Oh, the tender mercies, His kindness forever for Jai and for me. 

I Got Shot

Today my 3 year old came in with his cape, baseball glove, water gun, and underwear for a mask. I was told to freeze, but wasn't allowed any time to say my good byes. I hit the floor with a thud and then grabbed my camera.

We almost completed another renovation project in our bathroom. After we install the baseboards, I'll post our latest adventure and then contact a marriage counselor for therapy! Does anyone else get in the worst fights when doing home renovation projects? Maybe it was because we were tired and still had to grout at 10pm on a Saturday night. Giggle.

There is No Station

Many months ago, which seems like lifetimes ago, I learned valuable truths during a long train ride. Not an actual trip on a train, but metaphorically speaking a knee-dropping, life experience. Today as I struggled to resume my household appointments, for no particular reason (I'm not even near a train), I reminded myself these truths. 

1. There is no station. No perfect waiting place. Restlessly I waited for the money to come, for some alone time, for security, for peace. 

2. Peace is a choice. I remember one Relief Society church meeting where sisters were discussing hardships and how to find peace. My hand was in the air before I had time to retract it and I commented, "Peace is a choice." Immediately I heard grumbling and 2 other hands shoot into the air. 

3. I live moment to moment. "Well, sometimes life is so hard......" retorted the recent 45 year old widow. Ouch. Why did I say anything? I thought to myself. The instructor turned back to me for some sort of explanation for my comment. "I believe that I live moment to moment and I can choose peace in any given moment." It was clear to me and I felt inspired to share. I had been practicing this for months.  

4. I don't always want peace. On days like yesterday and today, I ask the silent observer why on earth I don't choose peace now. If peace is a choice, what control would prevent me from agreeing. 

5. Pride wants to live. The stale, discouraging thoughts that indistinctly consume my mind occur regardless of my itineraries. Choosing peace means death of the pride(the ego, pride), death of unconsciousness, renewal of light. 

6. The light does come. I didn't win; I didn't arrive at the perfect station. 

7. Life is a game that can't be won only played. I'm still waiting for my husband to write about this in his blog; a quote revised from the movie, "The Legend of Bagger Vance." In other words, enjoy the ride, enjoy playing the game. 

How do you enjoy playing life? Please share!

Permission to Attack

Do you ever get the feeling you are teaching your child to be 'too' nice? I remember Makayla's first year of soccer, she was five. She has always been the petite child on the team and wasn't very aggressive until most recently. 

One particular Saturday her team was playing another team with a player that was smaller than she. The ball was in Makayla's possession and she was in close proximity to the smaller opponent. She kicked the ball toward the small girl and sort of motioned for her to take the ball. 

I remember laughing on the outside but also feeling joy on the inside because Makayla has always been a very good sharer. 

Today Matthew had a quarter where he was less focused on attacking the ball even though he was playing defense.

When he came off the field for a quarter break, I remembered the counsel I shared with Makayla just 6 years ago. "This is the one time where you don't have to share, Matt, and not only that, you have permission to take the ball away from any player on the other team. Just go steal it from them!" I encouraged. 

The picture above is his stance before the whistle blew to start the next quarter; he was ready to attack.  He played a good game. He's number 7 on the team. His team scored 2 goals today and that's the same number of goals he tells people he scored. Now that is team mentality!!

Let Me Spike Your Hair

Travis refused to let me comb his hair this morning. He even told me to leave the bathroom so Matthew could spike his hair. I overheard Matt say, "I'll spike your hair like mine so all the girls will like you because that's why all the girls like me." And then Travis, "Oh." :)

Just thought I'd post a little about their amazing bond. Matthew is a loyal, courageous older brother. Although Travis- I'm sure- could take care of himself in a fight, if Matthew is around he'll never have to.

I'm not the best at capturing great moments on film, but it's easy to capture Matt and Travis doing amazing things together.
They are always hugging and hanging out. For Travis' birthday, Matthew bought him a movie that he liked to watch at grandmas. That's so Matthew to one, remember someone's favorite movie and two, remember to buy it for them on their birthday.
When Travis was a baby, Matthew would bring his toys out and play with Travis. I should have posted the one picture where Matthew put stickers all over Travis' baby face while he was sleeping and I was...where was I?
Matthew would play his guitar and sing to him a lot too.
Here the boys are at grandma's house doing dishes together. They look like they are in trouble.
When we lived in Utah, the boys had separate beds, but so often I would find them asleep in the same bed. In California, I set up a queen bed for them to share and thought it was a great idea. Not so much.
One day they were just sitting on a log like this in grandma's back yard. Cute, huh?

Cornucopia

cornucopia /noun/  1. an abundant, overflowing supply

A Cornucopia of Emotions:

1. serenity. We went to the ocean for a school project Makayla was working on. I sat on the rocks watching the rhythm of nature allowing each tide to free my mind. Makayla found a rock that was granite chalk, so she and Tom had some fun. (I should have posted what they did to the boys after this picture, but for me it was opposite of serenity.)

2. amazement. The soccer ball got kicked up into the tree at the park today. My 3 year old excitedly picked up his golf club and started throwing it in the air to knock the ball down. Realizing that didn't work, he then picked up other things to throw like a water bottle, sand bucket, and the book I was reading (The Glass Castle). I became the silent observer filled with wonder as he used his surprising talent to retrieve the ball.

3. admiration. I held a newborn today. My sister-in-law successfully delivered this sweet angel named Alora Rose today around noon. Six hours later, I was rocking her admiring both her perfectness and her mother's labor of love.  

Inspired by Makayla

Makayla and I went shopping tonight at the mall. She has the ability to walk in a store and immediately create an amazing outfit. She fell in love with the scarf and created the ensemble around it. 

She also inspired me to create a new festive blog background. She is my creative one; always wanting to decorate, adorn, embellish, and enrich our home. Isn't she soooo cute?

iPhone fun

This is my first iPhone post. Testing, testing ...