Returning to "church"

Kyle, my previous boss from ClickFunnels, and his family came over last Saturday (Oct 17) for Raclette. I can't wait to get my meat slicer so I can cut the meat thinner but I did OK this time. Kyle's kids loved cooking for themselves at the table. We played Headbands after dinner and then ate ice cream sundaes. 

Makayla messaged me that she and Nick are moving to a duplex in American Fork. She's excited to get all her things from her dad's house and her storage unit and be back living together. She has such a gift to create inspiring spaces. She and Nick bought a couch, kitchen island, and a 65" t.v. We can't wait to visit!

On Sunday (Oct 18), our family went to Camel's Back Park and hiked to see the trees all changed color. This is one of our favorite hikes in the Boise area. 

I had an interview on Friday (Oct 23) with Lyra Manning for a volunteer position working at Score. The interview went well and after my references are checked I'll start the onboarding process. I'm hoping that having a volunteer position will allow me to use my talents to feel fulfilled, give me more practical experience, and help me connect with other executive professionals. 

I've been looking for open positions to change jobs but I haven't found anything yet. 

Yesterday (Saturday, Oct 24), I worked on what seem like never-ending house projects. I had the boys rip out the beadboard in the kitchen so I can texture the walls in prep for paneling. I also sanded and painted more kitchen cupboards. Pictures to come!

"Church" is resuming. And what I mean by that is the physical meeting of the ward in a shared building. 

Half the ward meets every other week for 90 min to leave enough time to clean the building for the next ward. Most people are still social distancing 6 feet and wearing masks because of the COVID-19 virus. (We haven't been affected and those we know who have been affected healed just fine.) 

My Sunday rest ritual sans "church" has really been working for me. First thing, I spend some time with mom transcribing her journal for an hour and then I write in my own journal. Our family meets together, discusses our needs for the week, sings, has sacrament, reads scripture together and then we do something together as a family. It's the best day of the week. 

Returning to "church" for me means getting up earlier than my body wants, trying to find something to fit post-6-month quarantine, dealing with the drama of pushing everyone else out of bed and coercing them into also finding something to wear, driving the quick block to the church building and being so uncomfortable walking into the chapel that my stomach contracts making me feel physically nauseous, awkwardly smiling at strangers, over-analyzing where to sit so to not make anyone else feel awkward but still appear friendly, quietly listen to other people lecture about uninspiring topics, and then returning home with less confidence and love than I started the day with. 

Exhausting.

So you can understand why I'm having a hard time wanting to return to "church". I haven't had a calling since we moved to Idaho and the efforts I've made to make friends have eroded my confidence and been fruitless. 

I love the gospel. I love reading and learning and feeling the spirit and going to the temple and Conference and Jesus Christ. I have a testimony and believe in the Plan of Happiness. I just don't like "church".