Thanksgiving 2020

My mom wrote about our family Thanksgiving holidays in her journal but she didn't go into detail about any special traditions or the food we would eat and there are no pictures that I know of. I have some of her recipes but none of them are Thanksgiving-themed. 

When we lived in California, Tom's mom Linda would cook and bake traditional food most years. After we moved to Texas, I cooked and hosted Thanksgiving several times but I remember once we went to my dad's house near Fort Worth, TX and everyone brought sides to share. 

Last Thanksgiving was our first Thanksgiving in Idaho. We celebrated with my son-in-law's grandpa and his whole family. Due to COVID-19 this year, Thanksgiving at grandpa Rex's was canceled, but Makayla and Nick came up from Utah and I prepared the dinner. 

We ate:
Turkey
Turkey Legs
Ham
Mashed potatoes
Gravy
Twice-baked potatoes (Nick's grandma's recipe)
Macaroni (Nick's grandma's recipe)
Orange Rolls (Nick's grandma's recipe)
Punch (Nick's grandma's recipe)
Sweet potatoes
Stuffing
Rolls
Chocolate Pie
Pumpkin Pie
Cheesecake
Pecan Pie (store-bought)

The number of COVID cases was increasing in both Utah and Idaho. There was a lot of public debate about gatherings and holiday travel but ultimately I'm so glad Makayla and Nick were able to come, celebrate the holiday, and say good-bye to Matthew before he leaves on his mission. 

(Makayla hugging Matthew good-bye for 2 years :)

Last Man Over the Wall

Facebook Post 11/22/2020

I give thanks that Tom knows how to change a tire. Tom and I met Brian and his broken-down car last night. Tom is kind and good and generous to help others.

Have you ever seen those team-building activities where a large team of people has to work together to get everyone over a 20-foot wall? Well someone has to be the last person over. Someone has to make sure no one is left behind. And then being last, that person also has to have enough strength and ingenuity to get themselves over the wall without the help of a team below to lift up.

I give thanks that Tom is that person. In times of stress, in challenges, or in support of a good cause, you can count on Tom's courage, strength, and ingenuity. The boys call him dad. I call him clutch. Makayla knows he's the first to answer when she calls. We love you Tom Curtis.

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What I Learned About Sincerity

The only constant thing in my early years was ambiguity. I learned to be hyper-observant and imitate behaviors I saw being rewarded. But more than that, I learned to imitate behaviors that avoided punishment at all costs. 

Like on my eighth birthday, I'd seen enough to know not to show my disappointment when I didn't get the  Cabbage Patch Kid Doll I wanted. My neighbor sewed me a doll that she tried to make look like a cabbage patch kid.  

With all eyes on me and with forced expression, I unwrapped the doll and immediately hugged it to my chest partly to show appreciation and excitement and partly to hide the doll. It had frightening asymmetrical eyes that would have looked big on a giant and it had a weirdly misshaped body. The doll smelled like my neighbor's house and her house smelled like a funeral home to me; overwhelmingly flowery and slightly offensive. 

(I finally got a true and real Cabbage Patch Kid Doll for my 12th birthday. Honestly, I think it took my mom 4 years to save up to buy one ;)

At eight, I was mastering my display of publicly approved attitudes and fooled the audience. My performances are not always as favorable as this, though.

Recently during family scripture study the week Matt turned 18, Tom mentioned something about Matthew getting the Melchizedek Priesthood. I observed the emphasis he used when he spoke and I paused to ponder its significance. 

My conspicuous blank stare interrupted our study and instead of seeking approval through pretending, I chose to be sincere and admit my obvious lack of priesthood knowledge and comprehension. 

And then I pinned a prayer to my heart.

Not a week later, I was rewarded for my sincerity with tender mercy and understanding I had never had before about the high priesthood. Our family was reading in Alma 4 where Alma gave up his judgment seat to serve by confining "...himself wholly to the high priesthood of the holy order of God." 

Through our study and reading, I was taught about the high priesthood Alma had received and was using. I learned that the high priesthood was what Alma used to preach the word of God, pull down the word of God, and bear testimony according to revelation and prophecy. 

What seemed indifferent to me before now was very meaningful particularly since Matthew was preparing to confine himself wholly to his mission through the high priesthood just like Alma.

This answer to my prayer came to me well before I witnessed Matthew receive the high priesthood on Nov. 22, 2020, through a blessing given by Tom in our living room where Travis and another brother from the high council stood. The spirit was strong and while I didn't feel the presence of Alma during the blessing, I don't doubt his spirit was there.

Always remember to never forget...

On November 3rd I voted in the General Election for President of the United States. The major-party candidates were President Donald Trump, Republican, and Joe Biden, Democrat. As I exited the cafeteria, a voting volunteer asked me to state my name. I don’t remember having to do this before and it caused an emotional response of gratitude for the right to vote.

And for the right as a woman to vote.

And gratitude for the constitution and for this one nation under God.

There’s no comma. Barb Ott (now Barb Clark) taught me to always remember to never pause between the words ‘nation’ and ‘under God’ in the Pledge of Allegiance. Right now, our country is observing and experiencing suppression of freedom of speech and censorship, voter fraud, rioting, political division like we've never seen before. The nation is very divided and definitely not all 'under God'.

I was glad Tom went across the street with Matthew to vote at the local High School, Rocky Mountain, for his first time ever. I was juggling work and meetings, so I went earlier in the day. Another first for Matt was his first BYU car rally for the Cougar football team playing here in Boise. We grabbed our flag and lined up along the street to honk, wave, and cheer as the team drove past in busses to the game.

We all went to the car rally as a family, but Tom has also been intentionally spending a lot of alone time with Matthew before he leaves on his mission, which I fully support especially when he spends that time doing things that I am uneasy with like car racing and Krav Maga. Matt worked at a car dealership over the past few months to save money to pay for his mission. The experience he gained was remarkable and unforgettable.

According to Matt:

“I just calculated this...

The shoes I’m wearing right now have touched the pedals of $15 million+ worth of cars!

My shoes feel so expensive now!” During the last week of work, a co-worker driving in a local stock car race offered him free tickets to the race, so Tom and Matt went together and I had a peaceful night at home taking a bath and reading books.

Tom also went with Matt for his green belt pre-test in Krav Maga on November 5th. (Three + hours of hard work!) The owner of the Krav Maga gym has scheduled a special test just for Matt before he leaves on his mission since Matt will miss the next scheduled test in Feb. 2021.

Linda and Less Wilson (Tom's mom and step-dad) and Dylan Curtis (Jacob's son - age 15) came to visit Matthew before he leaves. It snowed, so Travis is pitching snowballs for Dylan to hit with the snow shovel. The two had a lot of fun together.

Linda, Les, and Dylan were here during Travis's orange belt test on Saturday, November 7th, and while Tom stayed for the whole test, we all caught the last 30 min or so. The orange belt test is four hours + long. For a healthy person, this is grueling. For a type 1 diabetic, these tests can kill.

Watching Travis work hard for something, stay committed even when he doesn't think he has the energy or physical capability to actually finish is a testament to his character. I am in awe. He's truly remarkable.

The ceremony for receiving the belt was on Thursday, November 12th. Travis's friends Sam Richardson and Trey Anderson came to watch too. If you are related and also train at the Krav Maga gym, it's the tradition that you can come finish tying the belt as part of the ceremony, so Tom and Matt finished tying Travis's orange belt. (Beau, the owner of the gym, is on the left in the pic below.)

Yesterday, a woman I know from church made a comment meant to make fun of children who are homeschooled. The comment was in response to Travis not knowing what 'going to State' means for a High School sports team, which clearly only happens to individuals who are homeschooled I guess. I wasn't offended. She meant no harm and was trying to be funny. Instead, the comment reminded me why we decided to home school in the first place. Knowing what 'going to State' means is not significant to the foundational principles our family stands on. But what Matt and Travis are learning at Krav Maga is significant. They are learning more than fighting techniques. They are learning about God, Family, Country, respect, endurance, and good moral character to name a few. They are learning there's no pause between 'nation' and 'under God'.

They are learning God is good. And I know this nation was built by His mighty hand. During this divided time, I hope I always remember to never forget Him.

Returning to "church"

Kyle, my previous boss from ClickFunnels, and his family came over last Saturday (Oct 17) for Raclette. I can't wait to get my meat slicer so I can cut the meat thinner but I did OK this time. Kyle's kids loved cooking for themselves at the table. We played Headbands after dinner and then ate ice cream sundaes. 

Makayla messaged me that she and Nick are moving to a duplex in American Fork. She's excited to get all her things from her dad's house and her storage unit and be back living together. She has such a gift to create inspiring spaces. She and Nick bought a couch, kitchen island, and a 65" t.v. We can't wait to visit!

On Sunday (Oct 18), our family went to Camel's Back Park and hiked to see the trees all changed color. This is one of our favorite hikes in the Boise area. 

I had an interview on Friday (Oct 23) with Lyra Manning for a volunteer position working at Score. The interview went well and after my references are checked I'll start the onboarding process. I'm hoping that having a volunteer position will allow me to use my talents to feel fulfilled, give me more practical experience, and help me connect with other executive professionals. 

I've been looking for open positions to change jobs but I haven't found anything yet. 

Yesterday (Saturday, Oct 24), I worked on what seem like never-ending house projects. I had the boys rip out the beadboard in the kitchen so I can texture the walls in prep for paneling. I also sanded and painted more kitchen cupboards. Pictures to come!

"Church" is resuming. And what I mean by that is the physical meeting of the ward in a shared building. 

Half the ward meets every other week for 90 min to leave enough time to clean the building for the next ward. Most people are still social distancing 6 feet and wearing masks because of the COVID-19 virus. (We haven't been affected and those we know who have been affected healed just fine.) 

My Sunday rest ritual sans "church" has really been working for me. First thing, I spend some time with mom transcribing her journal for an hour and then I write in my own journal. Our family meets together, discusses our needs for the week, sings, has sacrament, reads scripture together and then we do something together as a family. It's the best day of the week. 

Returning to "church" for me means getting up earlier than my body wants, trying to find something to fit post-6-month quarantine, dealing with the drama of pushing everyone else out of bed and coercing them into also finding something to wear, driving the quick block to the church building and being so uncomfortable walking into the chapel that my stomach contracts making me feel physically nauseous, awkwardly smiling at strangers, over-analyzing where to sit so to not make anyone else feel awkward but still appear friendly, quietly listen to other people lecture about uninspiring topics, and then returning home with less confidence and love than I started the day with. 

Exhausting.

So you can understand why I'm having a hard time wanting to return to "church". I haven't had a calling since we moved to Idaho and the efforts I've made to make friends have eroded my confidence and been fruitless. 

I love the gospel. I love reading and learning and feeling the spirit and going to the temple and Conference and Jesus Christ. I have a testimony and believe in the Plan of Happiness. I just don't like "church". 

Pursuing Excellence

The text came while I was in a video conference work meeting on Tuesday, October 6th. All caps and 5 exclamation points, "MATT GOT HIS MISSION CALL!!!!!" 

Excellent! I stopped listening to the meeting, went off camera, and texted back, "Did he open it?" 

Right then and as fast as possible, I was ready to get to the car dealership where Matt works, so we could be together when he opened and read the email. I waited for the text back from Tom, "No. He's going to wait until Thursday."

That's two days away! I thought. Reluctantly, I returned to my meeting and waited until Matt walked in from work.

"How can you not open the email right now?" I asked, looking for a clue that he actually did open the email because I would have immediately. 

"Let's open it now", he responded. 

"I'm calling Makayla", Tom started dialing her number before he could complete his sentence. After 3 attempts, we found she was still at work and we'd have to wait 2 1/2 more hours until she'd be free.  

It was almost 6pm and resistant to making dinner, I suggested we celebrate by going out to eat. After all, I've avoided making dinner with much less reasoning than this.

Matt muddled, "How 'bout Shmexas Mode Shmouse." (AKA: Texas Roadhouse.) 

Excellent choice, Matt!  

Matt and Travis trained at BC Krav Maga before we ate and before we turned on face-time with Makayla, Nick, and his family Lisa, Darrin, Mitch, and Brooke. 

Matt stood ready with his phone in his hand. I was face-timing with my phone and Tom was recording with his. As Matt started reading, I glanced over my left shoulder at Tom. He looked teary, eager, and proud. 

Matt would stop several times to collect his breath, then he'd continue reading with great anticipation. 

Speechless, I held the phone steady for Makayla, so she could see and hear, "You are called to labor in the Chile, Osorno mission..."

I tried to put the phone down. I wanted to run, jump for joy, and hug him, but I didn't. I only let out a slightly audible gasp. Hugs finally came after he finished reading, but much later, I couldn't help the regret that during one of the most important times of Matt's life I chose the wrong response. 

"Orzono", I typed in the Google search engine but nothing was surfacing for Orzono. How do you spell "Orzono"?

This mission is nearly the most southern mission in the entire world but not the mission I had guessed. Lisa, Makayla's mother-in-law, was raised by her father who grew up in Chile and she also guessed Chile on our pre-mission-call map!

Matt will be training in the Mexico Missionary Training Center on December 29th, so that means technically Matt will be going to Mexico at the start of his mission - continuing the boy-cousin Mexico mission tradition. 

Tom's brother, Ben, and our 2 nephews Eli and Rex came to visit Thursday, Oct 8th when Matt had originally committed to reading his mission call live on Facebook and Zoom. 

By then, Tom had ordered and received a 5 foot Chile flag, which he draped over Matt after Matt finished reading the call for our extended family and friends.  

I anticipated what this moment would be like but nothing completely prepared me for so many unexpected and wonderful emotions. My heart felt 3xs larger than normal and I too was teary, eager, and proud of Matt. He has always pursued excellence in anything he does and he's been independently preparing for a mission for years. 

With the COVID-19 virus shutting down schools and activities his senior year, Matt remained steady excelling at school, at college, and at work. With uncertain times, Matt kept the focus on his goals and while he's far from quick and agile, he's moved forward slowly and steadily. 

And then the call came while I was reluctantly making dinner Friday night (October 9th), "Mom, I got in." 

I set the knife I was using to cut vegetables down and sat on the couch, "You got the email from BYU?"

"Yep, I got in." 

He didn't cry, I cried. 

Regardless of discouragement and disappointment, nothing could hold him back from pursuing BYU Provo again after his denial letter for the Fall semester. Nothing. 

A familiar feeling surrounded me entirely when I heard him say he got in. 

I remembered feeling this way before when Makayla shared her plans with me shortly after she started Cosmetology school. 

"What are you doing for work? Do you want to talk budgeting now that you have real bills?" I asked.

"I just need to make sure I make more than I spend."

I felt completeness. Where one season ends and another one begins. Where I don't need to worry as much anymore. My "mom" efforts were enough. 

She's going to be fine, I thought. No, she's going to be excellent.

So, the week wrapped up with the friendly thought that my "mom" efforts were enough. That regardless of what comes Matt's way, he'll be fine. 

No, he'll be the steady one in pursuit of all things that are excellent. 

Major Undertakings

Matthew submits his papers today for going on a mission, so Tom put a map on the wall to visualize pins as our represented guesses of where he'll serve. 

Matt wants to go foreign and to learn to speak another language. So far all girl cousins have gone to France and all boy cousins to Mexico, so there's pressure to guess Mexico.

I'm silently guessing Australia, though. Tom served there, and there's no justification to my imagining someone left behind from his mission who Matt can go, search, and find. 

Maybe he'll go to Germany, England, or Ohio to go, search and find our ancestors.

All the ideas in my head are many and messy and my unending judgments around my ability to foresee the future are keeping me from committing to putting a pin on the map just yet. 

Meanwhile, Tom and Matt took Friday-Sunday on the Payette and Boise River in search of fish and isolated time together before Matt leaves on his mission and his absence shifts our very roots. 

As a parent, you constantly balance the unlocking of independence in your children. It's exciting even. For instance, we celebrate the moments our children sit up, crawl, walk, score a goal in soccer, give a speech accepting an award for good citizenship, and get accepted to serve a mission, into a college or into a trade school.  

But no one talks about or prepares you for the messy and inevitable void you feel after your child leaves home, which takes a disproportionate amount of time to heal, by the way. If you want to know how disproportionate, just imagine what it might be like and multiply that by the sum of all the moments you celebrated with them while they were growing up. 

It's somewhere close to eleventy million. 

So as soon as the wall map went up and Tom and Matt took off this weekend, I started distracting myself with more house projects like repainting my whole kitchen. 

House projects take hard work, are messy, and infinite just like life. Or families. Or anything that's of considerable importance. 

But I'm unhealthily obsessed right now with wall textures. It's hard to see from this picture (see close up below), but I've completely retextured this whole wall and hallway removing the ugly orange peel that builders leave to haunt and deprive nearly all homeowners. 

I strained to work on the wall while balanced on a ladder most of Saturday to rid my house of ugly walls and prep them for new paint and now my body is yelling at me.  Regardless of the resulting aches and pains, however, I'm satisfied with my effort so far and even energized as I estimate how much more work is needed during this major undertaking. 

So while we add guesses to our wall map from friends and family and while we prepare for Matt to leave, and regardless of the inevitable void that's coming, I'm satisfied with my effort so far and even energized by the mission and work still needed during his major undertaking.