The only constant thing in my early years was ambiguity. I learned to be hyper-observant and imitate behaviors I saw being rewarded. But more than that, I learned to imitate behaviors that avoided punishment at all costs.
Like on my eighth birthday, I'd seen enough to know not to show my disappointment when I didn't get the Cabbage Patch Kid Doll I wanted. My neighbor sewed me a doll that she tried to make look like a cabbage patch kid.
With all eyes on me and with forced expression, I unwrapped the doll and immediately hugged it to my chest partly to show appreciation and excitement and partly to hide the doll. It had frightening asymmetrical eyes that would have looked big on a giant and it had a weirdly misshaped body. The doll smelled like my neighbor's house and her house smelled like a funeral home to me; overwhelmingly flowery and slightly offensive.
At eight, I was mastering my display of publicly approved attitudes and fooled the audience. My performances are not always as favorable as this, though.
Recently during family scripture study the week Matt turned 18, Tom mentioned something about Matthew getting the Melchizedek Priesthood. I observed the emphasis he used when he spoke and I paused to ponder its significance.
My conspicuous blank stare interrupted our study and instead of seeking approval through pretending, I chose to be sincere and admit my obvious lack of priesthood knowledge and comprehension.
And then I pinned a prayer to my heart.
Not a week later, I was rewarded for my sincerity with tender mercy and understanding I had never had before about the high priesthood. Our family was reading in Alma 4 where Alma gave up his judgment seat to serve by confining "...himself wholly to the high priesthood of the holy order of God."
Through our study and reading, I was taught about the high priesthood Alma had received and was using. I learned that the high priesthood was what Alma used to preach the word of God, pull down the word of God, and bear testimony according to revelation and prophecy.
What seemed indifferent to me before now was very meaningful particularly since Matthew was preparing to confine himself wholly to his mission through the high priesthood just like Alma.
This answer to my prayer came to me well before I witnessed Matthew receive the high priesthood on Nov. 22, 2020, through a blessing given by Tom in our living room where Travis and another brother from the high council stood. The spirit was strong and while I didn't feel the presence of Alma during the blessing, I don't doubt his spirit was there.
No comments:
Post a Comment